Before I get started, I just wanted to brag on C-Dawg's performance at his first t-ball tournament last weekend. The kid did so well. He had 2 RBI's and the coach told his mom that he's the fastest runner on his team. He was so into it the whole time. He has better skills than his old man, that's for sure. The boy has made his daddy very proud. My lil' man is growing up so fast...sniff, sniff.
So, I've finally moved in to my new apartment. Well...almost all moved in. I have a few things scattered at a couple of places, but for the most part I'm pretty much settled in. First off, I want to thank "Monique" for the dining room set and for helping me figure out exactly where my living room was and "Ms. Heil" for the cool washer and dryer and the loan of her kick-ass Dyson vacuum. It's so weird having my own place again. I've always had a roommate ever since I first moved out of my parents many, many years ago. The first time I ever lived alone was after me and C-Dawg's mom parted ways and now after a couple of years living with The Grem (thanks for putting up with me bro. It was the bee's knees as they say.) here I am back on my own. I've moved back into my old apartment complex on Old Jefferson and I have to say even though it's been only about a week the experience is really nice. It's alot quieter than it was when I was here a few years ago, which is a good thing. That's something I won't miss about about living so close to Tigerland. And parking! Man, it's so nice to come home from being out with friends or doing a gig and not have to worry about if you have a place to park or not. That shit drove me batty.
By the way, have I told you guys how much I LOOOOOOVE my TV? Oh baby. For those who don't know I purchased a 46 inch Samsung flatscreen a few months back and let me tell you...this thing is the bomb, yo. Everything looks amazing on it, especially everything on the HD channels. And now the Internet looks amazing on it, too because I just hooked up my computer to it the other day! I'm telling ya, this TV just flat out rules and I can't wait until I get my Blu-Ray DVD player. You guys are never gonna see me out again unless you make it to one of my gigs because I'm about to be a MAJOR couch potato, even more so than I am now.
Anyways, just wanted to give ya'll an update on what's going on. Right now life is pretty good. There's just only one thing missing though...
Hey, look at that. Not one depressing thing on there. Yay me.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Nothing Blog
My friend and inspiration for getting me back to blogging has been fussing at me because I haven't been writing anything on here for a while and the last few things that I have written ended up as notes on my Facebook page so as I was about to write another note on there and I decided I better just go ahead and put it on here before she sends the blog police after me. So, here you go K-Dawg, which is how I shall refer to you from here on out unless you object or I can think of something much cooler to call you, whichever comes first. I have to warn you though, I don't really have a topic so this one will probably be all over the place.
- Either tomorrow or Tuesday I'll know for sure about my new apartment. I guess you can say it's new even though it's in my old apartment complex that I lived in a few years ago, just a different building. It's gonna be weird going back to a place that has so many memories for me even though it's a different apartment. I guess it'll be ok. I'm just really excited for Lil' C to have his own room again and now he'll have his own bathroom as well! I know he'll get a kick out of that.
- My old band, The Allison Collins Band, is getting back together for a show at The Caterie here in Baton Rouge on Thursday, March 26th. I played with this band for over 7 years and it was my first introduction as a musician into the Baton Rouge music scene back in 1996. I have a lot of good and bad memories about this period of my life. I met most of my really close friends during that time and met a few people I could have really done without ever meeting. We haven't played together since 2001 so it should be interesting. I played a crazy little percussion set-up that I'll be attempting to remember how to play again so I hope you guys can make it out to witness something I thought would never happen again.
- Relationships. Where to begin. I'm calling it quits on the whole deal. I'm so worn down and tired of trying everything in the world to make things work that I'm completely spent. I'm just gonna stick with me and the kid. Period. I don't want to walk away from 9 years of the best thing that ever happened to me, but I have no choice in the matter because the decision has been made for me so what else is there, right?
Well, that's really about all I can say about what's been going on with without getting to personal. I hope there's people out there that are actually reading this thing besides my girl K-Dawg. Leave some comments or something so I know I'm not doing this for nothing, even though I'd probably be posting stuff anyway. See you soon.
Next time...DEPRESSING POETRY!!!
You've been warned.
- Either tomorrow or Tuesday I'll know for sure about my new apartment. I guess you can say it's new even though it's in my old apartment complex that I lived in a few years ago, just a different building. It's gonna be weird going back to a place that has so many memories for me even though it's a different apartment. I guess it'll be ok. I'm just really excited for Lil' C to have his own room again and now he'll have his own bathroom as well! I know he'll get a kick out of that.
- My old band, The Allison Collins Band, is getting back together for a show at The Caterie here in Baton Rouge on Thursday, March 26th. I played with this band for over 7 years and it was my first introduction as a musician into the Baton Rouge music scene back in 1996. I have a lot of good and bad memories about this period of my life. I met most of my really close friends during that time and met a few people I could have really done without ever meeting. We haven't played together since 2001 so it should be interesting. I played a crazy little percussion set-up that I'll be attempting to remember how to play again so I hope you guys can make it out to witness something I thought would never happen again.
- Relationships. Where to begin. I'm calling it quits on the whole deal. I'm so worn down and tired of trying everything in the world to make things work that I'm completely spent. I'm just gonna stick with me and the kid. Period. I don't want to walk away from 9 years of the best thing that ever happened to me, but I have no choice in the matter because the decision has been made for me so what else is there, right?
Well, that's really about all I can say about what's been going on with without getting to personal. I hope there's people out there that are actually reading this thing besides my girl K-Dawg. Leave some comments or something so I know I'm not doing this for nothing, even though I'd probably be posting stuff anyway. See you soon.
Next time...DEPRESSING POETRY!!!
You've been warned.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Moods and Music
Everyone has a way of expressing how they feel. Most of us have people we can talk to when things are bad. Some people shop to make themselves feel better or gorge themselves on fast food or ice cream. A lot of us, including myself, tend to drown there sorrows at the local watering hole (I'm looking at you Bulldog) or in the privacy of their own homes. Some even write in journals or create poetry (which is something I do as well and I'll probably be posting some of those soon. Yes, I am a big girl if you haven't figured that out by now) to get their feelings out. And some just tend to bottle it up inside and try to distract themselves and pretend that there is no problem or that if they ignore it long enough it will either fix itself or just go away. We all have our ways of dealing with whatever pain is in our lives. Like I said , sometimes I end up writing these depressing poems that seem to make my friends think I need some medical help or should be put on 24 hour surveillance.
And then there's the mix tape.
Actually, I guess it's the mix CD. As many of my friends know, I seem to be the king of finding the most depressing music that has ever existed and compile all of it onto a CD to randomly torture myself with. It's a gift. I embrace it with open arms. Most of you know that the last month has not been good for me. At all. And with New Year already in full swing, it hasn't gotten any better. Last night at about 3am, I wondered downstairs to put together a mix to put on my Facebook page, but it seems that the Project Playlist player can no longer be added to the page. Aggravated, I headed back upstairs to lie in bed and continue staring at the ceiling and listening to my son snore up a storm in his Star Wars bed next to me, which I'm noticing he's already getting too big for. After getting about an hour and a half of sleep, the kid wakes up around 8 and we head down for some breakfast and to watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark, his latest obsession. After some grub, I returned to Project Playlist and stared at my playlist wondering should I delete it or just wait until I can post it on my page. At that point I decided I would just write a blog and post on here to share with you guys. There are a TON of things I would love to just write about here, but I've stuck my foot in my mouth enough for the last few weeks so I decided I'd let the music do the talking instead. I hope you enjoy, if that's possible, my selections. Feel free to leave any comments or feedback.
p.s. I promise I'll try to write a happy blog as soon as I can.
And then there's the mix tape.
Actually, I guess it's the mix CD. As many of my friends know, I seem to be the king of finding the most depressing music that has ever existed and compile all of it onto a CD to randomly torture myself with. It's a gift. I embrace it with open arms. Most of you know that the last month has not been good for me. At all. And with New Year already in full swing, it hasn't gotten any better. Last night at about 3am, I wondered downstairs to put together a mix to put on my Facebook page, but it seems that the Project Playlist player can no longer be added to the page. Aggravated, I headed back upstairs to lie in bed and continue staring at the ceiling and listening to my son snore up a storm in his Star Wars bed next to me, which I'm noticing he's already getting too big for. After getting about an hour and a half of sleep, the kid wakes up around 8 and we head down for some breakfast and to watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark, his latest obsession. After some grub, I returned to Project Playlist and stared at my playlist wondering should I delete it or just wait until I can post it on my page. At that point I decided I would just write a blog and post on here to share with you guys. There are a TON of things I would love to just write about here, but I've stuck my foot in my mouth enough for the last few weeks so I decided I'd let the music do the talking instead. I hope you enjoy, if that's possible, my selections. Feel free to leave any comments or feedback.
p.s. I promise I'll try to write a happy blog as soon as I can.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Last Goodbye
There is someone who is leaving me.
Their reasons are both valid and heartbreaking.
I sit here and try to imagine my life without this person..and I can't. No matter how final their words were, I can't bring myself to accept them. For almost 10 years we have been a part of each others lives. Through different relationships and different states we've always kept in touch. And no matter the circumstances, we were always able to find each other.
A little over 2 years ago, I woke up one morning and realized that I was completely and unconditionally in love with this person. Without a single doubt in my body and mind, I knew that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. These are feeling that I never thought possible because no matter how much I cared for someone, I always kept my guard up just a bit and never really let myself become to open. But, with this person, no matter how much I tried to deny it (which I did) I just couldn't. This person had me body and soul...and it scared the living shit out of me. It scared me every time I looked in their eyes, all I wanted was to take hold of them and never let them go. It scared me so much I spent an entire year pushing them away because I was too scared to give myself to them, which led this person to fall into the arms of someone else, so I guess my plan worked better than I actually wanted it to.
The last 2 years have been both really good and really bad for both us. Mistakes were made, mostly by me, and some bad choices were made, not all but some by this person, which in turn pushed her into the arms of someone else again. We have both tried over the last year to make amends and fix things between us, but there are some things that apparently just can't be fixed. Their feelings on certain things in my life are just too much to bare, no matter how hard they've tried. As I was told, "I'm just not built that way,". And as much as that tears me apart inside, I have to accept it because...I don't have a choice.
So, as I get ready to begin the new year, I have to face the fact that a HUGE part of my life will no longer be there. Someone I planned on raising a family and growing old with. Someones' face I wanted to fall asleep looking into every night and wake up to every morning. Someone I could talk to about anything. Someone who was my best friend. I know they will end up reading this and I know they will hate me for even writing this, but they also know that this this is how I deal with what's inside of me.
Because I can't talk to you about it anymore...
i have this picture of you.
from many years ago when the days seemed longer.
you were sitting under an old, tired tree
staring away into the distance.
your eyes so far away from where we were.
i remember the sun beating down on us that day.
i remember holding you in my arms as we laid against that tree.
words you whispered to me as if we were children
trying to keep secrets from prying ears.
i remember you laughing out loud into the wind.
i remember never wanting to lose that moment.
i remember
Their reasons are both valid and heartbreaking.
I sit here and try to imagine my life without this person..and I can't. No matter how final their words were, I can't bring myself to accept them. For almost 10 years we have been a part of each others lives. Through different relationships and different states we've always kept in touch. And no matter the circumstances, we were always able to find each other.
A little over 2 years ago, I woke up one morning and realized that I was completely and unconditionally in love with this person. Without a single doubt in my body and mind, I knew that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. These are feeling that I never thought possible because no matter how much I cared for someone, I always kept my guard up just a bit and never really let myself become to open. But, with this person, no matter how much I tried to deny it (which I did) I just couldn't. This person had me body and soul...and it scared the living shit out of me. It scared me every time I looked in their eyes, all I wanted was to take hold of them and never let them go. It scared me so much I spent an entire year pushing them away because I was too scared to give myself to them, which led this person to fall into the arms of someone else, so I guess my plan worked better than I actually wanted it to.
The last 2 years have been both really good and really bad for both us. Mistakes were made, mostly by me, and some bad choices were made, not all but some by this person, which in turn pushed her into the arms of someone else again. We have both tried over the last year to make amends and fix things between us, but there are some things that apparently just can't be fixed. Their feelings on certain things in my life are just too much to bare, no matter how hard they've tried. As I was told, "I'm just not built that way,". And as much as that tears me apart inside, I have to accept it because...I don't have a choice.
So, as I get ready to begin the new year, I have to face the fact that a HUGE part of my life will no longer be there. Someone I planned on raising a family and growing old with. Someones' face I wanted to fall asleep looking into every night and wake up to every morning. Someone I could talk to about anything. Someone who was my best friend. I know they will end up reading this and I know they will hate me for even writing this, but they also know that this this is how I deal with what's inside of me.
Because I can't talk to you about it anymore...
i have this picture of you.
from many years ago when the days seemed longer.
you were sitting under an old, tired tree
staring away into the distance.
your eyes so far away from where we were.
i remember the sun beating down on us that day.
i remember holding you in my arms as we laid against that tree.
words you whispered to me as if we were children
trying to keep secrets from prying ears.
i remember you laughing out loud into the wind.
i remember never wanting to lose that moment.
i remember
Monday, December 15, 2008
Out With The Old aka 2008
So...another year has come and (almost) gone. Is it just me or did most of 2008 kinda breeze through? Sure, there were moments when it felt like the year would NEVER end. or at least for me anyway, but for the most part I thought it kinda went by pretty quick. And as with most people, I find myself looking back on past events as we wind down the clock towards 2009 and find myself hoping that for the most part the next year will be a little bit better. Now I'm sure all of us do this. We all have things that we want to be better for us and our family and friends when the new year begins. Me? It's pretty simple. Stability, honesty and commitment. To myself and to others as well.
As most of you know, with my band schedule it was hard for me to spend the time I needed to with Christian. As he gets older (he just turned 5 in Spetember) I feel like I've missed out on so much of his life already that I don't want to miss anything else. He's grown up so fast. It's still crazy to think that I have a 5 year old son. Well, I've worked out a schedule with my band that will change the time I get to spend with him. Starting in January, I'll have him every other weekend. Although this will leave me cutting out some gigs and with a little less extra cash in my pocket, the important thing is I get to spend more time with my son, which in the long run pays better than any gig I could pick up. And the guys in the band have even offered to pick up some shows during the week to make up for any shows we can't do when I'm with Christian. They've gone above and beyond on this without me even having to ask. They're a great group of guys and I'm very happy to call them my friends.
Like I was saying. Stability, honesty and commitment.
There are also other areas I'd like to work on as well that deals with the big 3, but that's a topic for another time perhaps, depending on if I want to open that particular Pandora's Box. So, I hope everyone has a great holiday and may 2009 bring us everything we want and more. I know I've got my fingers crossed.
As most of you know, with my band schedule it was hard for me to spend the time I needed to with Christian. As he gets older (he just turned 5 in Spetember) I feel like I've missed out on so much of his life already that I don't want to miss anything else. He's grown up so fast. It's still crazy to think that I have a 5 year old son. Well, I've worked out a schedule with my band that will change the time I get to spend with him. Starting in January, I'll have him every other weekend. Although this will leave me cutting out some gigs and with a little less extra cash in my pocket, the important thing is I get to spend more time with my son, which in the long run pays better than any gig I could pick up. And the guys in the band have even offered to pick up some shows during the week to make up for any shows we can't do when I'm with Christian. They've gone above and beyond on this without me even having to ask. They're a great group of guys and I'm very happy to call them my friends.
Like I was saying. Stability, honesty and commitment.
There are also other areas I'd like to work on as well that deals with the big 3, but that's a topic for another time perhaps, depending on if I want to open that particular Pandora's Box. So, I hope everyone has a great holiday and may 2009 bring us everything we want and more. I know I've got my fingers crossed.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
So here goes nothing...
I really have no idea why I'm here.
I mean, honestly, why I am I doing this? When I first signed onto MySpace many a moon ago, I began writing and posting blogs. Hell, I'd been writing down all kinds of crap since jr. high. Whether it was just me bitchin' and moanin' about how much school sucked or why the blonde girl in math class that I would drool over every freakin' day wouldn't speak to me even though I would go out of my way to say hi to her or just silly song lyrics that popped into my head or mushy, nausea inducing poetry that I would sneak into said blonde girls' locker when she wasn't looking, unsigned of course, hoping she would recognise my handwriting and come to the miraculous conclusion that I was the man of her dreams and fall madly in love with me. Man, sometimes I miss how simple life was back then.
Anyways, my point. Did I have a point? Oh yeah. So, I would post these blogs on my MySpace page and every now and then someone would read it and drop me a line either saying they agreed with whatever point I was making at the time or to suck it up and quit being a girl and to get my dick out of my heart. Regardless, it seemed that whatever I was writing, apparently someone was interested enough to read it. But, after a while, the curiosity faded and no one it seemed was reading anything I was posting. So, I just quit. No more blogs for me. So how, do you ask, did I end up here? Doing the same thing I swore not do anymore? Well, if you know me, I say alot of crap that I end up eating crow on. And the fact that I have been reading some blogs by a certain special someones' sister has totally put the blogging bug back into my system. So I have returned to the scene of the crime, well actually a new scene being that I first started out doing these on MySpace, to annoy and entertain you with my silly ramblings about day to day (although I won't be posting these everyday. Just when the mood strikes.) bullshit that you could probably care less about, but I gotta get it out of my system sometimes and I figure this is the best way to do it. And for those of you worried about being mentioned here, just know that all names, places and dates will changed to protect the innocent and such and yada, yada, yada.
And so it begins. I hope you all will come along for the ride and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions on anything and everything. See you soon...
I mean, honestly, why I am I doing this? When I first signed onto MySpace many a moon ago, I began writing and posting blogs. Hell, I'd been writing down all kinds of crap since jr. high. Whether it was just me bitchin' and moanin' about how much school sucked or why the blonde girl in math class that I would drool over every freakin' day wouldn't speak to me even though I would go out of my way to say hi to her or just silly song lyrics that popped into my head or mushy, nausea inducing poetry that I would sneak into said blonde girls' locker when she wasn't looking, unsigned of course, hoping she would recognise my handwriting and come to the miraculous conclusion that I was the man of her dreams and fall madly in love with me. Man, sometimes I miss how simple life was back then.
Anyways, my point. Did I have a point? Oh yeah. So, I would post these blogs on my MySpace page and every now and then someone would read it and drop me a line either saying they agreed with whatever point I was making at the time or to suck it up and quit being a girl and to get my dick out of my heart. Regardless, it seemed that whatever I was writing, apparently someone was interested enough to read it. But, after a while, the curiosity faded and no one it seemed was reading anything I was posting. So, I just quit. No more blogs for me. So how, do you ask, did I end up here? Doing the same thing I swore not do anymore? Well, if you know me, I say alot of crap that I end up eating crow on. And the fact that I have been reading some blogs by a certain special someones' sister has totally put the blogging bug back into my system. So I have returned to the scene of the crime, well actually a new scene being that I first started out doing these on MySpace, to annoy and entertain you with my silly ramblings about day to day (although I won't be posting these everyday. Just when the mood strikes.) bullshit that you could probably care less about, but I gotta get it out of my system sometimes and I figure this is the best way to do it. And for those of you worried about being mentioned here, just know that all names, places and dates will changed to protect the innocent and such and yada, yada, yada.
And so it begins. I hope you all will come along for the ride and please feel free to leave any comments or suggestions on anything and everything. See you soon...
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